Do you ever feel like you are the only person alive? Tunnel vision creeps in and all you can see is your infinite future of all your dreams you have ever dreamed of when you were young coming true through hard work and perseverance. As you look out into the vast ocean atop a small but grand mountain with valleys separating each peak, you think to yourself, is this life? Are we, the selfish human beings that we are, lucky enough to experience such amazing sights? Questions begin to flood your thoughts. Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? Will I ever fulfill those so-called pipe dreams “they” call them? Am I going to make a difference in this world? Will people know my name or am I going to end up in a job I have to work to pay the bills but I actually hate the job and I never have any energy to entertain anyone because my work sucks up all of my passion and spits it out in the form of wasted time? You find yourself dejected by life and the endless possibilities you have already shattered through the years and all you have to look at is everything in front of you. Isn’t it weird when what you are gazing at is one of the most beautiful sights this short lifetime had to offer us and all you can think is, have I done anything with my life?
I look at my life sometimes and I get discouraged. I feel as though I have nothing. I get depressed and I think I am going nowhere. I look at other people and I think they have it all, and I get even more down on myself about what it is that I’m doing or not doing. But, I cannot do this to myself. I cannot continue to waste my days worrying about what I do not have. If I turned my focus to what I do have, my entire outlook would change. This is hard to do.
When I think about how I want to be healthier, and practice yoga, meditate more, write more, save my money, read more, go back to school, finally be at that goal weight I have always dreamed of, I get frustrated. I am not doing these things. Maybe, because I am lazy? Maybe, a fear of failure? Or, maybe these things are not really who I am, and I’m trying to be someone I’m not. I think more often than not the latter reason is the most accurate. Sometimes we want these things that maybe are not what we are supposed to be doing and we continue to struggle and fight within ourselves and in the end we have done nothing.
So, where do we learn who we are? How do we learn who we are? And, if we do learn it, what do we do with it? Life’s not this difficult, right? I’ve heard so many times, “keep it simple” “don’t go to extravagant.” Maybe life is harder, though? Maybe we really are supposed to work harder to get what we want? Who knows? “Who cares,” some say. Why worry about things that are out of our control? But, they are in our control. Maybe so? But, what do I do now?
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