I am starting in the middle, because this is where I am right now. I had a past, that led me here and now I have a future ahead of me. Undetermined, yet determined? I’m determined to have a beautiful life in an undeterminable world.
Here I am, keeping journals, journals upon journals. A large stack is placed in chronological order to the left of my computer desk. Every now and again, I dip into one and fall back into my past life. I wonder: how did I get here? And, how did I get so low? I turn the pages of depressions and I slap it closed, telling myself: I am a changed woman now!
I have found myself in an ideal one-bedroom; bottom half of a larger house. I have converted what used to be a garage with a bedroom into an artistically created cottage with French doors that open out to breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean, alongside the coast of Northern California. To the right, through eucalyptus trees a small harbor in a quaint little town they call Princeton-by-the-Sea. How I managed to land myself in my own utopian paradise? I am not sure, but like many rainy days, the sun eventually shines through.
It is hard to describe where I am without getting too excited. I am also very afraid of losing all that I have mentally worked for, so I do not even whisper to my dogs. I only allow the pages of my journal to share in my happiness. Like I said, though, it was not always idyllic.
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